There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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