Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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