We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
