there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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