If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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