We're facebook friends in real life
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
