i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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