I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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