the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
