we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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