then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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