Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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