im about as happy as oj after his trial
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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