3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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