she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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