Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
