you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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