if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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