Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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