Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
someone owes me an orgasm
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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