i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
