no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
