HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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