im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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