he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
