Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
