I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
