Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
