I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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