whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
