I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
