Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi

(425): View more from Washington

hahaha how?

(954): View more from Florida

its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery

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(954): i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi (425): hahaha how? (954): its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery http://tfl.nu/yw6o

Replies (22) Good night (4333) Bad night (787)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.

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(504): insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us. http://tfl.nu/mwl1

Replies (20) Good night (4824) Bad night (1037)
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(631): View more from New York

I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis

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(631): I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis http://tfl.nu/1ywh

Replies (17) Good night (4631) Bad night (727)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

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(301): Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/jdmg

Replies (21) Good night (3724) Bad night (2295)
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(281): View more from Texas

Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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(281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m

Replies (137) Good night (7137) Bad night (5704)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job

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(413): I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job http://tfl.nu/ruqn

Replies (13) Good night (3997) Bad night (1105)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.

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(978): I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there. http://tfl.nu/oxsp

Replies (9) Good night (3343) Bad night (1182)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days

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(405): I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days http://tfl.nu/vazm

Replies (6) Good night (1869) Bad night (961)
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(404): View more from Georgia

STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...

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(404): STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing... http://tfl.nu/ooo5

Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (1230)
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(716): View more from New York

Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.

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(716): Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out. http://tfl.nu/y9bt

Replies (2) Good night (1361) Bad night (441)
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(231): View more from Michigan

She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.

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(231): She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis. http://tfl.nu/zwdy

Replies (7) Good night (509) Bad night (687)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times

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(602): Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times http://tfl.nu/cj8x

Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (307)
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(315): View more from New York

I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.

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(315): I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit. http://tfl.nu/fz3t

Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (401)
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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you

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(586): I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you http://tfl.nu/74zy

Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (419)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.

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(410): I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/j5lv

Replies (2) Good night (415) Bad night (194)

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