So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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