i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.