apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now