I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize