It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
