highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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