You're completely useless in the revolution.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
