I bet he comes in French.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
