Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
