trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
