Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
