No awkward lesbian experiences without me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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