Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
