i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
