dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I supernannyed him into submission
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
