dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
