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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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