Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
