Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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