man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
