we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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