We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
