Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
