You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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