when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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