he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
