this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
