I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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