The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
