hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
